day 1..

The Broken Hearted.

Sleeping to dream about you, and I am so damn tired, and I am having to live without you, but I don't mind....... J. Mraz...

This is your heart.. this is what happens when it is broken.. scientist take it out, test it, kick the shit out of it.. then sell you "happy" pills to make you feel better..

First off.. IF you are easily offended by:

1. Salty language, stop reading now!!

2.If you are worried you might be named in this blog (all will be changed for their protection, however, you can't really change things like MOM and DAD).

3. If you don't get my humor.. Well sorry.. you are f'd.

The Way The Story Goes:

Welcome to my new blog. I am writing about the healing of my broken heart. There will be stories from the past, there will be stories from today, tomorrow and the next day. I may chronicle my dates, etc. I am healing, but it is taking a lot of time, and self discovery.

Well it is actually day 14 for me. I haven't talked to her since Sunday before last. We had a long conversation and I realized right then and there, it was a bad idea to keep this thing going along. I have struggled with not contacting her. Its hurtful when she was my best friend, and my lover too. I spent a lot of time with her and her daughter.

For this blog sakes we will call my ex girlfriend, Francis.. b/c well.. I know no one named Francis...

(And let me put a caveat out there.. This is not a Francis Bashing blog, she was wonderful, we just didn't sync up, and I was dealing with a lot of emotional grief).

So today is a new day. .I woke up feeling ok about the day. I was not ready to attack things like I need to be. I know its not going to be 100% every day. Its going to be tough. Its going to be a fight some days to keep my sanity.

Speaking of my sanity.. I need to find a good counselor. YEP. I do! I admit that I have had some ups and downs that were not healthy.

I was doing some research for this page. And I was going to show a deep cut.. And as I chroncile my days, I slowly show the healing of the cut.. like my heart is. Metaphorically speaking, its like a cut has been made in my soul. A really deep cut. I think it needed stitches.. But I didn't get them. I am trying to let it heal on its own. Its going to scar.. Like A motherfucker. But then again, I need to finally learn from my mistakes. Make good decisions, be honest with my significant other, and myself. I have not been honest with who I am for the longest time. I have fought it so hard.

BULLSHIT PORTION OF THE PROGRAM:

The ultimate goal is to create a diary of my ups and downs. My happiness, and my sadness. This is not going to be easy. I have to do something I haven't done forever.. Be honest. Not that I lie about everything etc. I unfortunately inherited from my mom the ability to "not be totally truthful" Which in reality is BULLSHIT, and I should have known better. I am not pointing fingers at all. This is a sad reality. I am old enough to know better. I really truly am.

Sucks..

It brings us to my depression stage.. that will be included in Day 2

Redemption Song.... its all I ever had....

I will be posting some music that seems to make me feel better, or maybe worse depending on the mood:

First off the bat......

and now the damn video doesn't work!! GREAT.. more to come on that one!

Song Two last one, b/c its late and I have to be up at the ass crack of dawn (should I do a photo of that??), to play golf with some clients.

Ari Hest, I forgive you (this song brings me to tears.. it cripples me sometimes when I hear it)