Everyone says "time" heals everything. That only "time" will tell. That "time" will make things better. Only thing "time" has done for me is make me feel worse for my actions towards her. It has made me rethink the trouble and pain I caused the only person in my life that has stayed true to me. The only person that totally figured me out.
I am not perfect, I have a lot of mistakes, lot of insecurities that stem from a rough childhood, and an even rougher life that I have brought upon myself. She was the only thing that has been stable in a very rocky situation. On the outside I seem fine. I work a good job, have an education, try to respect people. However, inside, I am a complete train wreck. I struggle with day to day life. I break down for no reason. Cry like a 3 year that just shit his pants.
Everything happens for a reason, or so I hear. What is this reason? To remain bitter and heart broken? To feel insignificant to someone so amazing that once told me I was the "love of her life." Where does that go?? How can one just turn that off?
I wish I could go back and fix things. I sincerely do. I wish I could have learned to give her space,love when she needed it, and just general honesty. I made some bad decisions in my past that have affected how she dealed with me. But then again, she stayed around. She weathered a pretty strong storm. Only to sink b/c of me..
Yes, this is a victim writing I guess. The only real finger to be pointed is at myself.
I hope one day she'll see.. I can only pray she does.
but I really doubt it
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